Cavalcade (1933): Shira's Take

There is nothing worse than this movie. Seriously. Far beyond just boring or hard to watch, this movie was completely abhorrent in every possible way. Firstly, every single actor in the movie had a whiny, yuppie voice that made me want to stick sharpened pencils in my ears. Secondly, the main character, Jane Marryot (played by Diana Wynyard) bore a striking resemblance to Odo (from Star Trek: Deep Space 9). These complaints could be looked past if only it was a remotely bearable movie. Unfortunately, it was not. April 14, 1912: A couple (Edward Marryot and childhood friend Edith) decide to honeymoon on a ship for the romance of it all. They conveniently have a discussion about how if they die that night, it would be okay, because they're just so happy right now. Then, of course, they walk away, and the camera pans in to show you a life preserver that reads "TITANIC". Gah. I hate to think that back in 1933 people were actually surprised by that. A five-minute long repetitive WWI montage did not help the movie's case, nor did the sudden news that, though the war has ended, Jane and Robert Marryot's (played by Clive Brook) son has died, after which, OF COURSE, Jane faints in the most cliched way possible. Jesus. I can't even connect my thoughts on how utterly stupid this movie was. Notes to myself: No. There is nothing to remember about this atrocious movie. 1/10